


Shades of Blue

by luminous_nyght



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 01:24:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8036800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminous_nyght/pseuds/luminous_nyght
Summary: The moment the sentence drops on the table he notices the way Liam starts to shake before he’s looking into his eyes with this incredulous look on his face. “You’d want that?” He heaves out his tone almost bewildered.Zayn just grabs his fingers under the table and presses. “If I didn’t – you’d know by now I wouldn’t have stuck around.”“But you’re so – I don’t really know how to put it – just –”“Shush it.” He orders maybe a bit too harshly. “You’re one of the best things that have entered my life since she left it. Kiss me.”He watches as Liam’s eyes divert towards the girls lost in the tablet Liam handed Vi in the car.  “Kiss me.” He says again. “From the look of them, they’ll be just fine with the news.”





	Shades of Blue

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to Zayn's Blue a lot these last few days writing this one. It's actually become special to my life because I've always wanted to try out something melancholic and sad with a happy ending to it.  
> It's taken me two days to write this for my sweety Louise. It's her birthday today and what started out as a prompt game turned into something very close to my heart.  
> I hope you enjoy it. You can find me on tumblr @darkangelzayn.  
> Thank you for reading!  
> xx

“Meri – jaan come on its time to get up.” Zayn’s quietly trying to coax his baby girl to scramble out of her lucid dreaming. She’s like him really, doesn’t sleep for an age then she’s out like a log. The dim nightlight in the room was the only illumination in pretty much the entire house. At this hour, its expected.

It’s only just gone past the hour for Salat.

“Darling.” He says again, this time she moves, stretches her fingers and reaches for his glasses. He laughs and moves out of the way, dropping a kiss on her forehead in the meantime.

“Zainab please get up; you can sleep for an hour after I swear but we need to get you to start doing this now.” This time she sighs and blinks open her eyes.

Dark for a moment before she flickers and her dark grey emerges again.

He smiles and reaches for her Qur’an. It’s a simpler version, red with gold detailing, unlike his deep blue. She pushes up so that her shoulders are resting on the headboard. After about twenty minutes he reaches over to grab her hand and drags her into the bathroom. He watches as she tries to copy his actions and movements for what feels like the first time, clumsy in manner, so unsure of herself. She’d just turned seven and only just settling into the routine of prayer with him.

When they sit up after, she’s on top of him within seconds. He loves moments like these with her, but of course only him would become nostalgic now that she’s starting boarding school.

She comes up just enough to press a kiss to the underside of his jaw, before sprinting off after their dog, Rhino. A two-year-old staff with a heart of gold. Sleep forgotten – _Alhamdulillah._

He finds her, on their kitchen counter making him coffee. He laughs and takes the kettle away from her, pouring the water in himself before turning slightly to warm up her milk on the stove.

“I can’t believe I’m going away today.” She says as she grabs a slice of bread to dunk in the toaster. He smiles, neither could he. “We’ve talked about this.”

“I know, but it’s here and I don’t wanna go.”

This time he turns around just as his milk starts to froth. “Jaan, it all happened because you made it happen remember that.”

“I know.” He whispers, grabbing at his shirt collar bringing him closer to her. It’s still dark outside, meaning she’s still sleepy. He lets her rest her messy head of jet black hair on his chest for a while before checking on the milk again, switching it off.

“It’s half an hour away and one of the best schools in the country. It’s not my fault your brain works before you.”

She laughs and looks up. “I got it from you Baba.” He smiles and leaves her to butter her bread before dropping the milk into a mug and handing it to her leaving her to it to go find her uniform.

When he comes back down, she’s disappeared somewhere. He assumes she’s made her way to his bed so he saunters over to her again dropping the clothes on the chair when he sees her kneeling in front of the picture of her mother.

He sighs.

“Zainab,” He states, frightening her slightly. She looks at him then back at the picture which makes him walk over to her, taking a seat next to her. “She’s watching you know.”

She nods and grabs onto his fingers. “Promise me you won’t ever leave ok?” He nods and pulls her in. “I’d say she’s a very happy lady right now with a little girl that passed her 7 plus exams with flying colours first try.”

“I miss her.”

“I know hun, but sometimes things don’t work out how you want them too.”

“Can you love again Baba?”

He shrugs, “Maybe, we know what happens when we try that.”

He watches as her lips stretch out into a smile. “They can’t handle how much of a geek you are.”

“Exactly.” He smiles himself, moving her fringe out of her eyes so he can see the mirror image of his wife etched out in his little girl’s features. He loves her take on his misfortune with the dating world a little bit too much.

“Ammi would be very proud of you, you know.” She inhales and stands up out of his arms.

“I better giver her more things to be proud of then.” She smiles as she makes her way shower.

She leaves him there, listening to the beat of his own heartbeat wondering how on earth was he ever given sole responsibility of a bumbling two-year-old and for her to turn out so good.

*

Zainab honey, come here let me fix your dress.” He finds himself saying an hour later when they’re about to leave and she’s too busy rolling on the floor laughing to some television program.

“You mess up your braid too.” He corrects running his fingers over the baby hair that’s slipped out from the sides.

She smiles and whispers, “It’s ok Baba, I don’t need to be perfect.”

“You do though.” He says after he’s done with his fussing. Grinning when she grabs his keys and drags him out the door.

“I’m going to miss you.” She says just as they set off.

 _Me too_ he thinks, but he can’t say it in part fear that she’d make a scene and refuse to go.

“You’re gonna smash it.” He says instead.

And that’s that.

*

Cottesmore School was located exactly halfway in between London and Brighton. In the heart of the West Sussex countryside hidden away behind a parade of tall trees that for a child made the place look magical.

“It looks like Hogwarts.” Was her only comment as they make their way through the grounds up to the main house. He’s raising a geek and he’s a little in love with the fact.

They leave her trunk in the car, so that they can register and be assigned a dorm room. She’s holding onto his hand for dear life as she sees other kids jumping around their parents.

“You’ll be ok.” He hushes as they line up at reception. Without looking he bumps into someone’s back. Doesn’t look up just ushers a quick _sorry_ before moving down to look at Zainab again. She’s a sheet. Terrified most likely that he was about to leave her here by herself for the first time.

So he does the least expected thing a parent in this environment does.

He picks her up as they move to the front of the queue.

“Malik.” He states. “Zainab Malik.”

The woman behind the desk smiles at him whilst she looks up for her name on the registration roll. Asking for her date of birth as well as address. He confirms tightly and is relieved when everything is in order.

“Dorm B, bed 6.” He hears before proceeding to tune the rest of her repeated speech out.

Whilst he’s pushing her trunk out of his car he hears a soft “First term?”

When he looks up he panics. This gorgeously handsome stranger was leaning into his car to help him. He nods and stands up the minute the box hits the floor. The man mirrors his actions and rounds the car, holding out to shake it. Zayn takes it and smiles.

“Liam Payne.” he says. “My little one has been here nearly four years. Never gets old – this.” He says as he waves his arms around.

“Zayn Malik – Mine’s too scared. She’s there look.” He nods towards the front seat where Zainab is huddled up reading her book. Liam smiles and whistles.

In a minute a little girl pops up from the crowd and takes her place next to him. “Vi – I want you to go say hi to that little girl over there.” The girl nods a second later she’s tapping on the window. Zainab obliges and presses the window down. He hears a “I’m Violet. I’m in Dorm B. Where are you?”

Slowly he watches as Zainab turns around to face her. “I’m in B bed 6 – and I’m Zainab.” She looks out to smile at him looking for approval but then Violet pops the lock up and opens the door. In a minute both girls are giggling off back into the house and Zayn sighs in relief.

“Thanks for that.” He speaks when the girls can’t be seen any longer.

“Nothing.” Comes the reply. “This is hard enough as it is, a little help goes a long way.”

He changes the subject. “How has Vi’s been here so long already?”

Liam shrugs and goes to grab the trunk again. “ Hmm, since pre prep. She still hates the first day.”

“I think I always will.” He laughs as he bends down to help him. They carry it up the three flights of stairs resting when they get to Zainab’s bed. “Vi’s here.” Liam says smiling, pointing to the bed next door.

Zayn laughs. “That’s not a coincidence.”

“Nope.” Liam agrees. “Now come help me with mine.” He smiles, unintentionally grabbing at Zayn’s elbow helping him out of the room. Zayn doesn’t say anything, but the knobs of his spine do grow cold from the electric spark that that flew around his body.

That’s never happened with _anyone_ before.

After, they find themselves walking across the grounds, Liam showing him his favourite spots, getting lost in the middle of nowhere.

He checks his watch. “We’ve got another hour before the introduction starts.”

“Still?”

“Hmm, it’s only half 11.”

“Come sit for a minute then.” Liam suggests finding a stone bench around the corner next to the stream.

“What brings you here?” He asks when Zayn does take a seat next to him.

“Her brain.” He smiles. “Thank God I can afford it, you?”

“My mother.” Liam jokes. “No not really, I write music for the big names, so this was the best option for me.”

“Really? Wow. We’re only here because Zainab’s school made her sit the 7 plus.”

“She passed the 7 plus?”

“Uh huh. I’m a lecturer though.”

Liam grins, “Now that’s wow.”

“Please. I teach Lit.”

“And?”

“And it’s boring.”

“Shut up.” Liam smiles, moving closer into Zayn’s space.

“Zayn and Zainab huh.” He asks now.

Zayn nods, his fingers coming up to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose again and takes the time to really look at Liam, up close for the first time. Watches the way Liam’s Adam apple tightens when he doesn’t reply immediately, the way it stretches the skin around his darker birth mark. The way his freckles litter his face like a comet when off on him and space dust went everywhere. The way his deep eyes seem to glow when they make eye contact.

“They mean the same thing you know.” He says a bit self-consciously because some people find it weird. “They both mean beauty in Urdu.” He explains. “Her mother, she had a complete separate love affair with my name when we met, so she found the female derivate.”

Now he watches the way Liam’s eyes grow cold. “Had?”

He bites his bottom lip, it slipped out so _easily_. “Um she passed – um a while back.” Is all he manages to get out. He guesses Liam sees his panicked looked because he reaches out and grabs his hand. “It’s ok.” He reassures. “I know the loneliness too.”

He doesn’t say anything about their handholding, squeezes Liam’s fingers and “yeah?”

“Yeah, Vi’s mother she had cancer, passed with she was two.”

“No.”

“No what.” Liam asks shocked.

“How old is Vi?”

“Um, just turned seven?”

“Fuck.”

Liam’s brows farrow. Confused, and probably in shock of his appalling language.

“I think we’ve been living parallel lives Mr Payne.”

Now he watches as his brows rise up into his hair. “My wife passed when Zainab was two as well – from cancer.” Now he sees the clarity in his eyes, feels the hold on his hand grow stronger.

He slides his eyes down too look at the way their fingers fit together. The fact that they both still wear their wedding rings, even this many years on.

“How much do you miss her sometimes?” He hears Liam asking after a while.

When he looks up, he watches the way Liam’s on the verge of tears but before he can say anything. “Fuck, I promised myself it wouldn’t keep getting to me so much after this much.”

“Don’t.” He scolds. His free hand coming up to Liam’s cheek to allow him to rest on his right shoulder. “I just can’t believe –”

“That someone else existed in the same circumstance?” Liam pipes in, his voice firmer now.

“Yes. And that I’d find you _here_ – of all places.”

When Liam looks up, “Luck huh.” He says smiling.

“Something like that.” Zayn replies, “And I’m not planning on letting you go now either.”

“Good.” Comes the answer, before they’re standing up to walk back to the girls.

Halfway up Liam stops him, suddenly serious, grabs his fingers again, almost panicked. “I’ve never – um, I’ve never done this with a man.”

Zayn smiles and grabs his neck bringing him closer. “Hey you, up there –” he slowly taps Liam’s temples with his free index finger. “Don’t overthink this just yet – we just met –  let’s work on a friendship before we jump into anything, _but_ ,” He accentuates “to put your mind at ease. It’s only been one other man and he couldn’t treat Zainab right for shit so that’s that.”

“No.”

“No what.”

Liam smiles and straightens up to his full height. “You’re far too handsome that’s all.” It makes Zayn laugh, “Says you.” He spits back. This time grabbing hold of Liam’s hand properly to walk up to the house. They only let go when they enter the hall, laughing when they see the girls at the front playing tag.

“I think they’re gonna get on swimmingly.” Liam notes smiling, “Would rather have her with Zainab than some posh toff.”

Zayn smiles, “Oi, oi.” He whispers, “We pay for this, we’re posh toffs thanks.”

Liam snickers and settles into his seat. “I love your hair by the way.” He half smiles around the words. “It suits you.”

He bites down on his bottom lip again. “Would you believe me if I told you this has taken a year to grow.”

Liam gasps and Zayn laughs. “If I tried that I wouldn’t get it past my ears let alone half my back.”

“It’s longer when it’s down.”

“Show off.” Liam pulls his lips out and tries to wink at him. It fails miserably but it’s oddly endearing. He decides to turn his head so Liam can get a full view of his French braid and smiles.

He can’t believe something like this happened today.

He feels a tug, Liam’s trying to undo it.

He quickly scolds and they both laugh and it’s when he sees the girls coming to them meaning they both turn their attention to them.

“Baba she’s going to sleep next to me.” Zainab starts. “I know.” he replies fingers immediately reaching to bring her onto him. “I carried her things upstairs with Mr Payne.”

“Nice to meet you.” She immediately says. “And thank you for Vi.” He watches the way Liam’s lips form around a smile. “Nothing darling.” He’s saying as he’s poking her nose. “Daddy, can you ask them to change my classes so that I’m with Zainab.”

“Hun, I think sharing the same dorm means you’re in the same classes already.” He watches as their eyes start shining when they turn to look at each other, definitely happy with the news then.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, please finds seats if you haven’t done so already, we shall begin.”

“Here we go.” Liam whispers, eyes falling on the head of the school. Vi takes her seat on his thigh just as the speeches start.

For the first time in a long time – he’s not petrified of leaving her in this place.

*

“Follow me to my place tonight?” Liam’s asking him just as they make it outside. The sun is hiding, it’s nearly dusk by the time they’re let out. After all the enrolment paperwork he’s pretty much famished.

Just before he left he reminded her to set her alarm for her prayer. Asking the matron to make sure she’s up until she gets into a routine. It wasn’t as hard as he’d imagined it to be.

“Zayn.” Liam’s saying again, grabbing onto his fingers. For a moment he hovers, unaware of what his plans are, but then he flicks his eyes up to grin at him. “Okay just let me stop off at the Asian Market in Tooting so I can get us some dinner ok?”

“I’ll follow you there then, then we’ll get to my house yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Liam let’s go – like a child just handed his favourite toy, “Come on then.”

*

When they arrive at Liam’s its nearly eight. So after a quick tour of the house he disappears for a quick Salat then joins Liam in the kitchen barefoot and _happy._  He walks through the hall and living room – in both rooms photos of a pretty woman hang from the walls in the same fashion they hang at his and he sighs.

I must say, “It’s weird this.”

“What is?” Liam asks, looking up from his newspaper.

“This.” He states again, twirling his arms around. He watches as Liam stands up and saunters over to him. “I know – but we can try and not make it be?”

“How?”

“Let’s play the question game.”

Zayn chuckles, “Like we did in primary?” Liam nods and all can do is shake his head out of fondness.

“Ok go.” He says as he starts chopping up the beef. Liam takes a seat on the island – literally like a child and watches him for a while. In the meantime, Zayn takes the time to peel his onion and garlic, finds his spices from his bag and turns the cooker on.

He laughs, “I’ll go if you won’t.” He threatens jokingly. Liam just shrugs and plays with his ring, “I’m drawing a blank.”

Zayn puts his knife down and stops. Walks up to Liam and rests his elbows lightly on his knees. Liam doesn’t react.

“What are you afraid to ask me?” This time, Zayn takes the initiative and grabs hold of his shaking fingers. “Liam, what happened within the last half an hour?”

“I just started wondering, how we fell into today so easily – does that make sense?”

“You mean that we’re enjoying each other’s company?”

“I mean even stuff like this,” He shows lifting their hands up, “I don’t do _this_ – I’ve never done _this_ – I don’t know how to do – “

“Nope, don’t do that. I don’t do this either – .” He says bringing a finger to Liam’s lips, “I more have issue with the fact we were both dealing with the same exact situation at the same exact time, twenty minutes away, scratch that, probably in the same hospital wing and we knew nothing of each other. Just for jokes, when was Vi born?”

Liam’s eyes flick upwards, “16th August.” With the news Zayn’s not exactly sure of how to react. “Don’t tell me.” Liam realises, and he nods.

“Think we’re onto something?” He shakes his head and climbs up on the counter next to Liam, swivels his legs so they’re under him, just as Liam turns to face him. “I don’t know – all I know that this might all mean something we don’t know about right now and I want to hang out enough to figure it out.

When their eyes meet – he’s watching Liam’s honeycomb colour change as the light dulls from the room. The sun is setting and he’s got to get back to his food.

“Now back to the questions,” He smirks as he jumps off the island, “Favourite colour?”

“Green.”

*

September falls in December and soon enough they’re off to collect the girls for Christmas break. Zayn – he loves this time of year. Adores the way the world outside turns from a burnt orange colour to a dull grey which turns into a soft pink in spring.

He had gotten carried away with his lectures once school started, but Liam always managed to pop up somewhere during the day, whether for a quick lunch date between workshops or a five-minute phone call.

It's easy – it’s free – and the lack of labels, it didn’t scare Liam off so he was happy with the situation. He remembers their first kiss. A few weeks after they met – after a night in under the duvet and Harry Potter reruns – the way Liam so tentatively asked him if it was ok to try. The way they ended up in fits of giggles because Liam couldn’t take his beard seriously, so that he had to grab onto both his cheeks to get a proper kiss out of him.

He still remembers the way the shock of it all slivering down his spine, over his knobs down into his knees when Liam grabbed at his neck deepening the kiss. He still couldn’t get over that first taste of Liam’s tongue as he ran it across his trying to find a rhythm that suited both of them.

This time – when they go to collect the girls, they do it in _one_ car. As Zayn drives, his fingers are holding onto Liam’s thighs, both nervous for the reaction of their two very precious daughters.

“It will be ok you know.” He speaks as Liam’s grip around his hand tightens. “I know, I’m just over thinking.”

“Well don’t.” He smiles fondly as he parks. He leans over to press a kiss to his lips before the get out.

As Liam comes close to him, he grabs his fingers, and this time – he doesn’t let go of them at the door.

“Are you sure?” He asks, because even _he_ needed reassurance sometimes.

“If I wasn’t – I wouldn’t do it– remember that yeah?”

“Yeah.” He replies grinning, elated by this small change in circumstance.

Before they’re allowed access to the children, they were instructed to take a look at their completed projects. The woman behind reception pointing at the correct table. She smiles when she sees their hands, nods and goes back to redirecting other parents.

It’s small, but it means more than enough to him.

Within seconds, Liam finds both Vi’s and Zainab’s, next to each other and about each other – like that wasn’t expected.

“I can’t believe them.” Liam says softly, hovering over his shoulder to look at Zainab’s work. They keep them as they enter the gardens. Calling their names, the moment they spot them. They come running, donning woollen hats and scarves, cheeks pink for the cold and hair coming out from just about everywhere.

Zainab jumps on him, and he watches out of the corner of his eye, Vi’s similar reaction to Liam. After she’s done showering him with kisses, she’s asking if she could sleep over at Vi’s sometime during the holiday. He laughs and grabs Liam’s jacket lightly. He turns his head upward to smile at him, he’s guessing Vi’s just asked the same question.

"I’ve got something to tell you but I’ll tell you in the car ok?” She smiles and grabs his hand again after handing him her go home bag.

It isn’t a big deal when they both get into the same car, with the girls both singing loudly from their back seats, it finally feels like Christmas. It’s when he feels Liam looking at him. He reaches out to press his fingers into his. They’re still cold and a little sweaty but he doesn’t care, they both needed the touch.

From the front they decide to take them to Costa, to try the Pumpkin Latte he’s been asking Liam forever for. The kids rush up to the front to order cake and Liam looks at him funny when he covers the bill. He just ushers him to a table laughing as he waits for the drinks.

He likes this, adores it actually. He’d never really believed he’d have a chance of a proper family life like this after she was gone. It’s odd actually to be sharing intimate gestures and looks with a person that’s still so very new to his world, yet the same actions feel like second nature to him.

“Girls if you don’t calm down they’ll kick us out.” he hears as makes it to their table. It’s hushed but loud enough that he can hear. “It’s true, then you won’t get your cakes.”

Immediately they hush up and Zayn puts the tray down. He gives Liam a half smile before walking around to Zainab to plait her hair. She coos a _finally_ into the drink Liam handed her. He sees the way Vi’s looking at Liam and he can tell she’s begging to ask him for one. So he decides to just plait a Dutch braid down the middle and use the other bauble to create a matching one on Vi’s lighter waist length hair.

When Zayn asks her, his gaze falls on her green eyes. They mirror Liam’s in so many ways albeit the different colours.

When he sits down, they’re cooing at their braids and they let them for a few minutes enjoying each other’s company outside of the school grounds.

“You didn’t have to do that.” Liam says into his collar, leaning in so close because of the clutter of the Christmas shoppers. He shrugs, “I want too – if we’re a thing – I’m going to have to learn how to deal with two little girls not one you know.”

The moment the sentence drops on the table he notices the way Liam starts to shake before he’s looking into his eyes with this incredulous look on his face. “You’d want that?” He heaves out his tone almost bewildered.

Zayn just grabs his fingers under the table and presses. “If I didn’t – you’d know by now I wouldn’t have stuck around.”

“But you’re so – I don’t really know how to put it – just –”

“Shush it.” He orders maybe a bit too harshly. “You’re one of the best things that have entered my life since she left it. Kiss me.”

He watches as Liam’s eyes divert towards the girls lost in the tablet Liam handed Vi in the car.  “Kiss me.” He says again. “From the look of them, they’ll be just fine with the news.”

And it seems that it’s all Liam needed to hear, because right after he’s leaning, pressing a small chaste kiss on his bitten out lips. Nothing happens, the coffee house is still in business and the world is still going on around, around them. So Liam does it again. He holds it for longer this time. Actually kissing him and for the first time in a long time – he feels whole again.

When they pull away, he looks around to the girls who are pretty much openly staring at them. Both of them burst into fits of giggles like it was the best thing they’ve ever witnessed.

_He’s realised, kids pretty much accept everything if they see it’s good for their parent no matter what the situation._

But of course Liam needs verbal confirmation. “You don’t mind this do you?” He asks Vi, his hands digging into his still. She laughs, “Are you kidding me? You don’t have to ask me. Does this mean Zi’s like my sister?” She asks him directly leaving him positively speechless.

“Not yet Vi love.” He answers for him, just because he knows Liam can’t. “But maybe soon yes?”

“Yes.”

“It means you’re staying with us the entire Christmas break though.” Zayn finally tells them, and it’s enough to get them having their own conversation again.

“Told you it will be fine.” He says turning his gaze to Liam again. “Don’t look so scared love.”

“I’m not, just didn’t think she’d be ok with it so easily.”

“She’ll be fine with whatever and whomever makes you happy. I learnt that one when she was five and brought a man home and the first thing she did is ask him about superheroes like it’s the only thing that mattered to me. They don’t care, they just want us happy.”

“I’m so glad you’re in my life sometimes.”

Zayn grins, “Me too – and I’m starting to think they want us together too.” He says as he takes his mug in between his hands trying to warm them up still. It takes Liam by surprise. “I’ve been thinking it but I didn’t know how to say it really, and I really would like to be able to call you partner.”

He laughs, “So we’re skipping the whole boyfriend bit?” Liam nods, “Only if you wanna.” He blushes.

“You know I’d love too.” Zayn replies leaning in for a longer kiss this time. This time however he feels Liam grabbing at his wedding ring and taking it off. Zayn pulls back, “You sure?”

“100 percent.” Liam smiles pressing yet another kiss to his lips. Zayn takes his own off too and he pockets both his and Liam’s.

“Proper beginning hey?”

“Maybe not a new one though.”

“Not a new one, just a more _out_ one.”

“I’m happy with that.”

“Good.” Liam smiles as he drinks the last slip of his latte. When they leave its started to snow and the kids spend the evening running in and out of shops exclaiming at the decorations, stopping for a quick dinner at Pizza Hut before finally finding their way home.

When they tuck the girls into bed that night – he consciously makes the decision to call his Ammi in the morning. 

Now that he’s found what he wants, it’s time to bring her in on it.

*

He sees Liam walk into the room just as he’s finishing up his last set of prayers. He sits down on the floor to put his socks back on before turning back to gaze at him on the bed, freshly showered and obviously ready for a chat.

He saunters to the bed and drops onto it – exhausted.

“I want to start trying stuff.” It makes him sit up.

“For real.”

“Like –” he pauses to think, “I want to start slow but I want to – try things. Like proper stuff.”

Zayn reaches out to cup Liam’s jaw, running his thumb over his cheek until Liam’s nerves start too quiet down. “Here’s a little thing, I haven’t exactly done a lot of this either.”

This makes Liam crack a smile, “No shit.”

Zayn just shrugs and chuckles, “I’m just as terrified as you are jaan.”

Liam comes closer, rolls around so that he’s facing Zayn and grins. “That’s a new one.”

“It’s an endearment in Urdu.” He explains. “You mean like Baba?”

He shakes his head, “Baba just means dad/daddy – I’ve taught her the language you know – keep us to bonded to our roots.”

“Like you taught her the prayers?” He nods, “I hope it’s not too much Islam for you.”

Liam grabs hold of his chin, “Don’t do that – I adore what and who you are – I’m just learning as we go.”

“It’s a lot to take in.”

“Well it’s a good thing we’ve got all the time in the world.”  Liam simply replies like it was the most obvious and right answer.

“You sure you want to dive in head first in all this with me?” He nods and presses his hand over Zayn’s heart.

“It all means something Z, all of it, every single piece of history – it’s all important – I think we finally give them what they want.” He chuckles and pulls Liam up for their lips to kiss.

“You’re the best thing I swear.”

“Glad you think so.” Liam smirks, moving his nose over his and presses.

When they go to bed that night – everything’s changed.

_But not really._

*

“Ammi.” He says when his mother picks up the next morning. It’s early still, just managed to put Zainab down after prayers, he was watching the sunrise from the window, finding himself asking what seems like the most obvious question to get things in gear. “Do you think you’d make it down this week?” And even if he can tell she’s perplexed by the sudden invite. He hears her intake breath probably expecting the worst and replies, “Of course beta, anything for you.”

When he hangs up he doesn’t even have the time to feel sad about it because Liam’s grabbing onto his hips and pushing him into the kitchen counter. He drops his mug for safe measure and starts giggling softly when he feels Liam’s own lazy beard over his shoulder and leans his head to rest on Liam’s. His arms coming to rest over Liam’s, holding onto his fingers tightly.

“I can get used to this.” He says aloud.

Liam chuckles as his fingers find their way over his waistband. “I already am.”

And for that moment – all he can hear is his blood rushing into his ears and his heart beating loudly before he’s pulling their fingers up again to rest just under his ribs. This isn’t normal – it never was going to ever be but he’s going to damn well try to make it so.

*

The next few days’ kind of vanish before them – and suddenly he’s picking up the phone one late evening after dinner to his mother telling him she’s about to head into the station.

He quite literally drops his marking – asks Liam to take care of Zainab for a while and heads down to meet her. She’s alone – as expected – the last time she brought the family along – it didn’t go so well.

It’s cold out – the snow set heavy under his feet, his hands already frosting from the wind but he’s not in the mood to care. Hurries in to find her waiting under the arrival sign in the middle of Kings Cross and he wants to smile. Nothing will ever change with his mother.

When she sees him – she quite literally starts flapping the wings of her shalwar – a bright green colour that suits her skin so marvellously. “Aren’t you cold, Ammi?” He asks when he gets next to her, kissing her hand before hugging her. “Missed you.” She says into his hair. Out of habit he kisses her cheek and grabs her small bag.

They make their way out of the station and keep walking till he finds a small Café Nero, leading her inside. It’s a late hour, meaning the house is quiet. The only light illuminating the space are small spotlights that lead you into the counter area. He orders turns around to watch her fussing. She’s fidgeting in her bag, checking her phone to make sure nothing has happened to his sisters in the few hours she’s been gone. Zipping then unzipping the bag, as if one time wasn’t enough. Watches the way she plays with her wedding rings in – out – in out – twirl, like it’s one of the few things that are keeping her from not panicking, because everyone knows she does that a lot when she’s out of her comfort zone.

He’s missed her.

It’s been a year since he last saw her – the last time she’d turned up on his doorstep unannounced with all three of his sisters in tow. To be frank – he was in the middle of learning how to deep throat.

She did not take the news lightly.

However – it’s in the past now he hopes and with hot chocolate in his hands he makes his way to her, grinning slightly as he watches her take out a matching lighter green cardigan out from the bag she opened twelve times in the last five minutes.

“I want to tell you something.” He starts sitting down, “but you have to promise me to not freak out again.”  She purses her lips just as one of her hands moves up to her braid, tugging on it – almost for comfort.

“Ah – I’m seeing someone.” Now – her eyes dilate – almost in relief, the tension gone and she laughs, laughs even harder when she sees his confusion.

“Finally.” She begins letting go of her braid and tucking stray hairs that fell out on the journey back into place, “I thought it had something to do with Zainab.” He shakes his head smiling, “No, of course not.”

“Is he good to her?” She asks now quieter grabbing both his hands and squeezing. He nods and smiles, letting go to take out a selfie of all four of them huddled together on the sofa watching Toy Story.

Almost hesitantly he pushes the phone to her and waits for the reply. “Oh Zayn beta, they’re both so gorgeous.”

“Are you sure you’re ok with it this time?”

“Beta, the only reason I freaked out was because he wasn’t treating you right – and because I was scared of what Baba might say.”

He sighs heavily, “Is Baba ok?”

She’s smiling now – almost happy with the information she’s just about to give him. “Baba told me to take a minute to see if you’re happy with life – when I said you are – he sat me down and said that you’ve got a right to love whomever loves you and your daughter whatever their gender is.”

He sits there speechless. His father is a strict Muslim with a penchant to antagonise every decision he’s ever made. So it’s a surprise to say the least.

“I’m guessing he’s at your place?” She asks again waiting for him to nod his head.

“Good, I can’t wait to meet him.”

He laughs slightly before grabbing her hand again. “Don’t embarrass me Ammi, it’s only been since September and he’s a good one ok?”

“Beta – jaan, I will never be one of those mothers that will wilfully embarrass their child for the hell of it. Your phuppi will have a field day though.” Zayn rolls his eyes, “Please don’t tell her yet, because the whole town will know.”

“I won’t – I will tell your bhaji though.” Now he plants his face on the table like a child and sighs. His sisters almost had a party the other time.

“Beta.” She says now grabbing at his own braid down the back of his neck. “This has grown out so lovely.”

“I’m glad you approve Ammi.” He laughs. “I always approve love, and Masallah your ring is finally off.”

He tilts his head up to meet her eyes, “It’s been five years, I can’t mourn her forever.”

His mother breathes in again, holding it there for a moment. “I know – you gave her her time – now it’s time to move on.” She’s right – he can’t force himself to live in a permanent sad bubble. He’s already done that for far too long.

It’s enough for them to sit quietly, hands around the mugs with one hand and Zayn showing her more recent pictures with his other hand.

“You know –” he says as he takes her arm when they walk out. “Z and Vi – that’s Liam’s daughter.”

“Liam eh.” She jokes grabbing hold of his fingers. He blushes, but thanks the night sky for hiding it. “Listen,” He laughs, “Ok, ok I’m listening beta.”

“Z and Vi where born on the same day and his wife and mine died in the same year.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Masallah.”

“We think – that somewhere up there – they want this to happen.”

“Well I bloody damn well hope it does.” And there it is.

His mother – she is white and was very British before meeting his father. He’s tamed her down but sometimes she slips.

He laughs. “There’s my mummy.”

“Ew no Beta, never liked that word.”

“Yeah yeah, come on, we better get home then.”

She smiles at him – and for the first time in a long time, it feels like he’s making her proud again.

*

“Oh Beta.” She says just as they pull up to the house like she’s remembered something. “We have two days to clean your mess of a house before the shipment arrives.”

“Fuck.” He elates smiling, “Liam’s gonna love this.”

*

It’s unusually quiet when they get in. The lights are dimmed and the tv’s blue hue is radiating across the living room. He can hear the kettle on the boil and the small hush of Liam’s scratchings across his music sheet.

It means he slows his mother down to warn her. “He’s writing – don’t make a scene ok?”

“Beta,” She smiles but in warning – “Go on then.” She pushes him forward laughing, and he slowly ambles to the bench.

“You’re home.” Liam says without looking up.

“Hmm, I got someone with me.” This time he does, drops his pencil and moves his hair to the side, smiling before grabbing at Zayn’s hand so that he pulls him into his lap.

“Really?” He asks intrigued.

“Really.” He says pressing a kiss to his forehead. “You can come out now Ammi.” He moves again so that he’s standing behind Liam’s back, his arm holding onto his shoulder for a bit of support just as his mother walks in, her bag in tow and twirling around the tails of her shalwar like she owned the place.

“I forgot how big your house is Zayn.” She comments before turning her gaze towards them. The tips of her mouth tilt up when her eyes finally lay on them.

“Liam I’m guessing?” She speaks taking his hand and shakes it. “I’m sorry I barged in unannounced like this but he called to tell me he wanted to see me – to tell me about you two and I only could find evening trains. It’s such a long journey down and my girls don’t finish till the end of this week and –”

“Ammi he’s not phuppi.” It works, she stops her jabbering and focuses back on the situation.

“Sorry – With over twenty-five years of marriage to a Pakistani man with a massive family, I’ve learnt I like a chat quite a lot.”

Liam laughs and it’s just enough to break the ice. He smiles when Liam stands up to make his tea kissing his cheek in the meantime, turning slightly to offer one too. His mother nods pleasantly and sits down on one of the benches to look at the sheet Liam’s been working on asking him what he does and how frequently he travels. He smiles fondly when Liam sits down to actually answer her questions.

He takes the time to go check on Zainab, nearly falling over a bunch of comics when he gets to her bed. She must be introducing Vi to the children’s version before moving onto his collection upstairs.

It makes him smile when he sees the girls spread out on the bed, legs hanging off their hair messed together. Cheeks pink from the heat of the radiators, it’s still funny to him how they’ve all so easily fallen in each other’s lives.

He kisses Zainab’s forehead, and brushes the fringe off Vi’s face so that he’s able to see her features again pressing a kiss to her cheek too.

He’s maybe falling a little bit in love with the fact there are two of them, even if it’s a little bit too early to grow so attached.

_He has._

“Your mum’s something.” He hears as he pulls the duvet up to their necks again. He chuckles lowly as he makes it to the door. “Don’t call her that title – she hates it.” He tells him pressing a kiss to his lips. “Sorry I didn’t tell you.”

“That’s ok.” Liam smiles “Bound to happen right?” The comment leaves Zayn’s heart maybe beating out of loop. “Really?”

Liam backs him up against the wall in the landing and kisses him.

“I might have maybe told my mum too.” At that point, he’s a bit breathless from the kiss but the news leaves him speechless. “She’s just happy I’m with someone.”

Zayn grabs at Liam’s hips before his hands fall under his waistband, over his arse. “I’m maybe a little happy our parents both think we’re old enough to have a choice.” He says timidly as his head falls into Liam’s shoulder.

“You know; she’s actually impressed with how clean this house is.” He giggles.

“Really now? That’s very high praise from her.”

“Hmm, she said something about having to bleach down the bathroom but she’s fine with everything else.”

He snorts,” And what is she doing now?”

“She ushered me out of the kitchen so she can clean the dishes by hand.”

“Oh God.”

“No don’t, it’s funny.”

“Yeah, in the most embarrassing of ways.”

“Hey,” Liam scolds, “At least she’s not broken out the baby pictures yet.” He laughs as he pushes Liam further into him. “True.” He agrees pressing a kiss to his ear.

“It’s gonna be a good Christmas though – Is it ok that my parents join us?” Zayn wants to shake his head because why on earth does Liam have to ask something like that. “Of course Jaan, gonna see how we’re gonna deal with two queens in the kitchen though.” He feels Liam break into a smile just as his fingers land on his bum, lifting him off the floor, meaning Zayn’s hands roam up his back.

Zayn’s still not over Liam’s touch sometimes. “Can you believe we’re having a family Christmas and we haven’t even shagged proper yet?”

This time, Liam’s head comes close to his so that their foreheads are touching.

“No rush, remember?” He’s reminded.

“Hmm I know, I just never really had this.”

“Me either.” Comes the reply, “It’s why it’s important to enjoy it.”

“Hmm.” Is all he says as he leans back into Liam’s lips.

“Now come on, before she finds us like this.” He giggles and Liam makes his way upstairs, his feet kicking the bedroom door in.

“Definitely something I can get used to this.” He says to the walls while Liam’s in the loo. Because he could – it’s one of those things – where you don’t know what you’re missing till you’ve got it – this constant affection is something he’s missed a tenfold and it’s something he’s going to work very hard to have to give back.

He slides up his window. It’s one of those big attic ones, hangs his feet out and finds a smoke, watches London still alive in the distance. It’s cold – and the snow is blanketing the roofs, but he doesn’t mind – fresh air does a world of good.

“Hey,” Liam says when he’s close enough, taking his cigarette, takes a drag then throws it out. “Quite like this view from here.”

“It’s pretty isn’t it.”

“It’s magical.”

“I know, I’ve not really asked you, but you’ve pretty much moved in, I wouldn’t mind you staying here full time.”

He watches Liam’s eyes in the night light, the white from the new moon illuminating his cheekbones, accentuating his beauty marks wickedly. “Really?”

“Yes.”

Liam kisses him, nearly falls out the window to do so. Zayn grabs him just enough to hold onto his shirt and keeps kissing him. From the angle he grabs Liam’s hips and twists him onto him, then stands up on the fire escape before coming back into the room.

Dropping Liam on the bed slowly he goes to lock the door. “Don’t worry too much, just let me take care of you ok?”

“I’m not.” Liam laughs, “But your mother is in the house.” Zayn smirks coming back to the bed. Liam’s spread out in the middle, the moon illuminating his lips this time and he can’t help but want to kiss them. “Quit worrying, she’s going to be too deep with her cleaning to even notice.”

“Tell me,” He says, because he needs to know. “What have you done and what haven’t you.” Liam falters, so Zayn turn the shade on. “Uh, with men?”

He shakes his head, “In general.” The tension in his face relaxes then. “Normal sex.”

“No kinks.” Liam shakes his head, “Didn’t particularly like blowjobs, but I’m guessing it’s better with boys?”

That makes Zayn laugh. “Definitely better with boys.”

“You scare me a little.”

“And why’s that?” He asks, his fingers finding themselves underneath Liam’s night shirt. “I refuse to believe you stuck with one girl.”

“Well, in all it’s been three girls and I did stuff with a man, but nothing more yeah.” But Liam shakes his head again, “You’re far too handsome for that.”

“I’m loyal – that’s it really.”

“Me too, but I will say I have shagged quite a lot of girls.”

“Let’s see I stack up then.” He laughs softly into Liam’s lips as he climbs onto his hips. Surprisingly, Liam coos at him, deepening the kiss in the process. “Who would have known we’d end up here in September huh.” Liam’s saying between kisses now.

“Shush with the talking.” He orders as his mouth moves to Liam’s neck, his fingers finding the hem of his shirt, pulling it up so he can get to his tummy.

And fuck he wanted to kiss him there for ages. It only helps him when he feels Liam hardening against his thigh.

“Good?” He asks coming up to press a gentle kiss over his lips, but he’s lost in the new sensations. He laughs as he shimmies down to sit over his knees and pulls down his sweatpants.

“Fuck.” He hears from up top, just as Zayn starts to mouth around the wet patch on his boxers. When he does eventually pull them down, Liam’s dick slaps back against his stomach looking red raw.

He ignores it, much to Liam’s protests and pushes his clothes off, opening his legs apart straight after. He starts to kiss up Liam’s inner thighs, past more beauty marks and finally making his way to his balls, taking each of them in his mouth and sucking. Liam starts to whine. Too eager for his own good that one.

He smirks, looks up to watch Liam try his hardest to not touch himself.

“You’re gonna be opening me up in a minute so stick two fingers in your mouth will you.” Liam obeys, so Zayn stops teasing and latches onto the tip, trying to remember what he’d leant two years previous. He’s a bit impressed with himself when he hears more coos coming from Liam’s now full mouth. He takes Liam in all the way, takes a second to believe he’s being allowed to do this then let’s up just as he can feel Liam readying himself to come.

He doesn’t make a show when he takes his own clothes off, but Liam does gasp as small _fuck you’re clean._ He’s got Zayn laughing his eyes out but then he remembers Liam’s probably never seen a cock up close like this before so he quietens down.

“Here.” He instructs grabbing Liam’s hand, as he lays himself down on the bed, his voice hoarse from the effort when he tries to talk. He hadn’t done any of this in a while.

He guides Liam’s index finger inside of him, watches slowly the way he tentatively pushes into him himself. Zayn in the meantime, opens his bedside drawer to find some lube, spilling a lot of it over Liam’s fingers to try to get a second finger into him.

“You’re so tight.” Liam comments slightly out of breath.

Truth was he’d never done this before and that was because he didn’t trust the bloke enough to penetrate him like that.

Liam’s learning fast, he’s suddenly opening his thighs further with one hand, and grabbing at a pillow to rest underneath his bum like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Zayn lets him.

Because it’s much easier to leave the dictatorship at the door and let him find things out for himself.

Right then, he keens. It’s definitely involuntary and Liam flicks his eyes up at him to smirk. _Smirk._

“Feels good hun?”

“Shut up.” He chokes out, because _no_ he didn’t expect this at all.

It does make him push up onto his elbows to rummage his drawer again looking for condoms.

“Fuck.” He almost shrieks. “I didn’t buy any.” All Liam does is sit up on his knees and laughs.

“Zayn,” he calls, rubbing circles into his calf, “Zayn darling quit worrying.” It’s only then that he stops messing about and looks at him while he gets off the bed and into the bathroom. Coming back with a full new packet of condoms, and just like that he’s hard again.

“I hate you.” He snarls almost laughing just Liam parts his legs again. “Come here.” He instructs as Liam climbs up his on his chest so that Zayn’s able to reach him with his lips to wet his tip before ripping the condom and rolling it onto him.

“Wow.” Liam’s saying his eyes sparkling down at him, “Never seen it done like that before.”

“Well,” He explains, “It’s gonna hurt either way but it gives it something to get moving. At that Liam moves over him, covering him slightly with his body, Liam’s dick pressing into his whilst leaning in to kiss him.

“Can’t believe you’re letting me do this.” Liam’s whispering into his ear, dropping kisses over his face and down his neck, dipping into the valleys of his collarbones before starting to make his way down, down his left arm, pressing his nose against his tattoos. Shifting gently to latch onto his hip bones, licking his way up to his nipple and nibbling there too.

Zayn’s been a mess since the moment they decided on this, but he’s never experienced anything like this before, now he’s positively leaking onto his tummy however Liam’s too busy mirroring his kissing on the other side, and by the time he’s licking his happy trail clean, Zayn’s keening so hard he’s afraid he’ll come.

“Fuck Payne. Stop teasing.”

“You like that huh.”

“Fuck you.” He breathes, his fingers finding Liam’s hair pushing him down further. “Stop it, I’m supposed to be the one showing you things.” He hushes out, but then his mind is going white with pressure meaning he falls into unceremonious stillness.

Liam takes him in his mouth then. He feels Liam experimentally taking in his tip. Zayn’s two shades darker and cut meaning Liam’s never seen anything like it before, but to his honour he plays around with the idea of pressure, quickly falling into a rhythm that suits him and suddenly he’s fondling at Zayn’s balls like he’s done this a million times over.

“Stop.”

“Liam stop, because I’ll come if you don’t.”

“You really hate the teasing don’t you.” He nods, flushed and in need to feel himself tighten around Liam’s length. Liam comes up to press a kiss to his nose, takes his bun and tightens it on his head so that it doesn’t fall out later and finally comes down to fully kiss him.

“Are you ready?” His answer is in his kiss, and it seems to be enough for Liam because he’s then kissing down his tummy again till he gets to his hole. He gives it a few tentative licks before grabbing the lube bottle again to press it gently into him and on the rubber.

With one swift movement, he’s got his dick in place and is over Zayn’s face again. His head falling into the pillow as he starts to nibble at his ear. Zayn shivers and has just enough time to calm himself down. “Come on then.” He coaxes, feeling Liam’s hand slowly starting to gently push into him.

Slowly, he bottoms out but gives Zayn time to adjust to the new pressure inside him. Liam presses another kiss to his jaw before pulling back out. He’s a little in love with the fact that he’s still taking the time to figure out what works, smiles a little when he’s asking if it hurts too much.

“If you don’t get a move on I might have to ride you.” He nearly shrieks, it’s quiet though because he remembers there are others around them. “That would be fit as hell but next time.” Liam chuckles, slowly building up their rhythm. The fact that Liam just said _next time_ got him feeling all kinds of things.

Soon enough he’s seeing white again. Liam’s grabbing at his dick matching it to the pace of their movement and for a quiet minute the only sound is skin against skin. He turns his head towards the window, the white glow of the moon still radiating in the room and breathes in.

 _He’s falling in love again – and that scares him_.

Within seconds though – he’s blacking out – his fingers grabbing onto Liam’s face for the life of him.

And when he comes too – Liam’s pulling out and tying the condom with this massive smile on his face.

In the post coital haze Zayn runs his fingers down Liam’s body for the first time in what he wants to be a long time.

“Good?” He asks, grabbing to Liam’s outstretched fingers. Liam nods and pulls him closer. “Best I’ve ever had darling.”

“Now that’s what I want to hear.” He chuckles kissing him somewhere in between his cheek and jaw. Zayn’s frazzled, his hair sticking to his forehead and he’s getting a bit self-conscious about it.

“Shower?” Liam asks as they pull apart and he’s watching him fumble with himself trying to adjust. He’s outstretching his hand again for Zayn to take it.

“Love one.” He smiles placing his fingers into Liam’s, where he pulls him closer to be able to pick him up

“Come on then.”

*

The next day, whilst Liam went out to pick his mum – he decided to start the henna mixture for the girls. His family – they didn’t really celebrate Christmas. They just got together for a family meal and a general catch up with the aunties.

This year though, he decided to use the time to actually share gifts with them as well, meaning for the first time since his childhood – the tree won’t be empty.

“Baba,” He hears. When he tilts his head to the side to look at her Zainab’s holding onto one of her teddy bears with one hand and sucking her thumb with the other.

It’s odd, seeing she’d grown out of the habit a while ago. It means he drops his paste on the counter and lifts her up to sit next to the sink.

Immediately, her untamed hair falls in front of her face as she hugs the bear tighter. He looks out the window for a moment to compose himself, takes in the beauty of winter sun trying to hide behind the trees, before turning back to her. He loves the way the shade of pale gold lights up her skin. She was darker than him but you could only tell when their colours sat side by side.

“Jaan, are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” She doesn’t reply, so he does the thing he knows best, swivels her round so that she’s facing the mirror and starts to braid her hair. A small smile forms over her face the moment he moves her hair away.

“I just miss you.” Zayn stills for a moment – with the way things have been going he’s forgotten to make time for the two of them. “I miss the house being quiet with just Rhino making a mess. There are too many people here Baba.” She sighs out and reaches around to grab one of his arms. “I miss it being just me and you.”

It’s the moment Zayn realises he’s raising an introvert.

“You’re tired huh?”

He observes as she nods her head and moves backwards to lean against his chest. He’s missed these moments too much for him too count – but he just assumed she was on board with the idea – seeing how well Vi and her get on.

“Do you want them to go away for a bit?”

She shakes her head this time. “I want to go away – somewhere with just you, do you think we can do that?” He nods, but seeing it’s two degrees outside he’s got no idea where he could take her.

He finds a hair tie and a bobby pin from the side and fixes her hair up before he replies. “You’re ok with Liam though no? and Vi?”

“I’m ok.” She smiles looking at him through the mirror. “I just miss it just me and you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t ask you alone if it was ok.” But she looks at him again, scrunching up her nose then turns around to put a finger on his lips.  “Rule 6: Don’t apologise Baba, it’s a sign of weakness remember.”

He smiles, he’s been teaching her Gibbs’ rules since she pretty much could talk, but he never expected her to be using them on him.

“Do you want them in your life?” He asks her again, just for reassurance. “Yes all the time, but I still need my time with just you ok?”

“Okay. Come on then, let’s have a bath so we can go get a few comics tonight.”

“Serious?” She smiles.

“Serious – never doubt your father baby girl, I’ll always have time for you.”

“I love you.” She whispers in his ear when she gets up on her knees to hug him.

“Me too.” He replies, while she’s still strapped onto him and he’s moved to run her bath.

*

“You were out late again.” Liam’s saying as he makes it to their room. “Zainab needed some TLC I’m afraid. Had to get her some comics because in all this rush I’d forgotten how much time we spent together before.”

“Vi did the same,” Liam smiles. “While you were away.”

“Serious.” He grins, kicking off his clothes so he can climb up next to Liam.

Liam presses a kiss on his forehead the minute he’s close enough then says, “She just wanted me to sing to her though. “That’s sweet.”

“I know, she also asked for ballet lessons at school.”

Zayn looks up at him, “They offer those?” Liam nods and grabs his hand. “She did them when she first started but she didn’t want a second year so I didn’t sign her on. Now she’s asking again.” Zayn smiles as his eyes hover on their joined fingers.

“I can’t tell you Z would do them with her, mine likes hard rock music – she’s not about to go for anything close to thighs and tutu’s.”

He hears him chuckle before pressing another kiss into his hair. “So you’re raising a rebel and I’m raising a goody too shoes. “What are we and how did we get them together.”

“I don’t know.” He grins up just as their eyes meet. “Can’t you see Zainab though with blue hair and perfect eyeliner in a few years.”

Maybe he has. A hundred times over actually but he never knew why. “I have –but I can’t force her into liking pink things – I don’t know how to do that.”

“Maybe Vi can have an effect on her.”

“Maybe.” He agrees, before he realises what Liam’s just been saying. “You think we’ll be okay then too?” He asks quieter now.

“I’m sure of it.”

They stay like that till he checks his watch and realises he needs to pray. When he comes back from wudu Liam’s sitting up against the headboard so he can watch him. A ritual he’s done since he moved in.

“Zayn?” He says just as he’s unrolling his rug. “What do you think about Malik – Payne.”

“For what exactly.”

“For the girls, for what.” Liam answers like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

He’d love too, but for now he’s trying to keep his wits about him and not move too fast. So he gets off his knees and goes back to bed. “I’d love too – but I’d rather give us till the summer, before we jump into things we aren’t ready for.”

Liam sighs and grabs his wrist, kissing his hand in the same way he’s watched him do to his Ammi a few times. “Just wanted to put it in your head that’s all.”

Zayn just reaches out to tilt Liam’s head upward, watching as Liam purses his lips, eyes sliding shut. “I’ll promise you, if we’re still like this by the summer we’ll change their names for school, how does that sound.”

At the sentence, Liam’s eyes open and glow with happiness. They’re shining. “I just want to make sure, if you get attached you get attached for the right reasons not because I’m your first man, are you listening to me?” Zayn continues just to make sure Liam understands where he’s coming from. When Liam’s eyes flick closed again, Zayn moves his hand to rest on his cheek, his thumb drawing small circles for comfort.

Liam nods. “Okay – but I’m don’t think I’m going anywhere.” He says silently, it makes Zayn come down to press a small kiss on his forehead.

“Maybe.” He grins when Liam’s looking at him again, reaching upward to hold onto him with his own palm.

“But if we want to build something – we have to do this in the right way.”

“I know.” Liam smiles. Before letting him go, “Now go pray before we both fall asleep.”

And just like that, his life just kicked up a notch.

*

“Beta, darling.” It’s his mother knocking on their door early the next morning. He’s still half asleep when he shakes Liam awake. Yawning loudly because he hates being woken up like he’s a teenager living in his parents’ house.

“Liam, Liam you’ve gotta get dressed.” Liam isn’t a light sleeper. He gathered that when Rhino was barking his voice out a few weeks before and Liam just slept through it. When he does shift, the early winter sun lands on his face and he scrunches his nose in protest. He smiles and comes down to kiss his lips. Liam grins.

“Fine then, just keep the duvet up to your neck.” He hears that because he makes grabby hands for the quilt to cover his very naked bum.

She’s knocking again. “Beta.” It’s sterner now. So he quickly finds a pair of sweatpants from the floor and pulls them up his thighs. Checking on Liam again as he goes to unlock the door.

“Karen and I need you to take us to town. We need to get food and the girls come today.” She’s pretty much shouting the sentence into the room, so he steps outside and closes the door again.

“Ammi, Liam’s still asleep, quiet down. And please, it’s barely seven what time did you wake up?”

“I don’t sleep after Salat, you know that.” She defends, grabbing up at his hair and pushing it out of his hair, sliding her hand down his face.

He places his own hand over hears to stops her. “I’ll take you. I’m glad you two are getting on, do you need money?”

She shakes her head, “You’ll meet her in a tick. She’s brilliant.” She answers instead.

“I’ll see.” He smiles kissing her hand. “Give me twenty minutes and get Zainab dressed we need to pick up her dress.”

She smiles at him and hugs him quietly. He breathes in for a minute and rubs the sleep out of his eyes.

For some reason he can tell it’s going to be one long day.

*

Later when they’re back and their mothers are preparing the three day cook he finds the girls reading on the kindle in his small office space he keeps for his marking. They smile when they see him, sitting up to properly greet him. He sits down next to them with his mehndi cone and paste. Immediately Zainab jumps to explain to Vi what it was and why they use it.

“I’ve made enough for both of you.” He assures smiling, taking Vi’s hand. She’s hesitant, because it’s not her culture but he knows he’s got Liam’s blessing to educate her so he takes to explaining what he’s doing and that she’s going to have to sit still for a while until it dries.

When she’s leaves to go show her dad, Zainab climbs on his knees and hugs him. “Thank you for this.”

“Nothing jaan, I just want to make you happy.” He kisses her forehead then moves her back down to start on her hands.

He’s going to miss these little moments.

*

It’s fanfare when their families arrive. His turn up first. His sisters running around the house trying to find space to claim. His house isn’t small. It’s a good sized three story house with 5 bedrooms but with eleven people all trying to cohabit, he can understand why Zainab started to get claustrophobic. He loves the atmosphere though. The bustle of a full house. The timer of the ovens going off once in a while. The constant smell of food wafting through the house, the same smell he only remembers at his mother’s house. And maybe he’s a little love with what a full family life entails. A life he shut off when he was left alone with a two-year-old and a massive life insurance cheque.  The next few days pass just like that. And now he’s watching from the patio as their fathers converse over sports and politics. Their mothers shouting orders from the kitchen. His sisters trying to video everything like broadcasting their lives online was the only thing that matters.

“Hi.” Liam’s popping up in front of him, cheeks tinged pink from the xbox he’d been playing with the girls. “Hectic huh.” He smiles sitting down next to him. The snow was melting now, so sitting on his bench was possible. “It’s gone so quick.” He whispers as his head falls onto Zayn’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, just grabs at Liam’s closest hand and squeezes. “Can you believe we made all this happen in three months. Imagine what will happen next year.”

Liam giggles, “Next year huh.”

“Yes, Mr Malik – Payne.”

“Someone’s been doing some thinking. “When he looks down Liam’s smirking at him again, his eyes gleaming as they find his.

He shrugs, “I just don’t think I can give any of this back so easily.”

“I think if we keep are wits in check it won’t.”

“You’ve been doing your own thinking haven’t you.”

“I think it’s needed sometimes, oh and I’ve just been transferred to a studio in the city.”

Zayn’s confused, “When did you find out?”

“Yesterday.”

“So you won’t be travelling?” Liam shakes his head. “Just a normal day job, like you.”

His fingers come up to hold onto his jaw. “That’s better.”

Liam lifts his head to look at him. “You think so?”

“It just means I get more time with you.”

“Because I was going anywhere.” Liam’s grinning, his cold nose coming up to rub over his.”

They chuckle and stand up to go back into the crowd.

Zayn finds out a couple of weeks later that Liam requested to be transferred to be closer to home but for that moment he was just planning on enjoying the day.

_September._

He can hear Vi calling Zainab’s name as he makes his way to their room to wake her up for prayers. They’d fallen right back into praying together after she came back from her second term at Cottesmore. It was the first day of term again after the summer which they spent a good chunk of on holidaying in Tokyo due to Liam’s contractual obligations to help a big name artist that wanted to escape fame whilst working on the album. They celebrated the girl’s birthday there. Taking them to Disneyland for the day, coming back to their house fast asleep from all the running around.

She’s still snoring by the time he gets to them. Violet had taken to watch so that she could learn the prayers but he wasn’t going to allow neither Liam or her to revert until she’s at least sixteen.

“Zainab.” He says, gently shaking at her shoulder while Vi got their rugs ready. He’s taken to read to her after, just because she tends to fall asleep right away that way.

 At the sound of his voice she shifts, slightly opens her eyes and sighs. “I’ll get Rhino to wake you if you don’t.” At that her eyes were straight open because while she loved him she didn’t like him licking her face.

They go quiet after that, their routine kicking in as they get through their worship. It’s easier now with two sets of hands running a household rather than him having to do everything himself. As he starts opening prayers he can see Vi leave the room to wake up Liam and he just knows that by the time she comes back in to finish watching them, Liam will put the kettle on the boil, and get the morning newspapers from outside. Meaning he walks in to a cup of steaming coffee and the news every single day.

When they finish, he sends the girls to shower. Zainab up in their room whilst Vi uses the main bathroom. He saunters over to the kitchen, where like expected Liam presses a kiss to his jaw before handing him his favourite mug.

“I know you said you don’t want any rings or anything.” He starts as he makes his way to make toast. “But what if we use rings we already have?”

At that he whips his head around to face him smiling.

“What did you do?” Liam walks up to him and fully pushes him against the counter. His palms settling on it whilst Zayn’s go round the back of his jeans.

“Well you know how you had said we’ll give it till September until we decide anything – but I kind of went ahead and did it anyway seeing I know your attitude with gifts.”

He’s a little perplexed, but then Liam’s pressing another kiss to his face before he continues. “Today marks a year since we met – and I mean it’s not always been easy because for so long we were just used to doing things one way and then we had to learn to compromise.” That’s true – even if he hates remembering their fights – it’s true that he’s had to learn how to shut up and listen to what Liam had to say sometimes instead of going on the offensive immediately.

“Are you even listening?” Liam’s asking, tilting his head up to look at him. “But I wanted to do something that I know both our wives would have agreed too up there.”

He says twirling his index fingers upwards. He steps back and takes a small box out of his jeans. When he opens it he’s looking at both their wedding rings. He gives Liam a look and goes to grab one. Liam gently slaps his hand away.

He takes one out himself and angles it so that Zayn can just see an inscription inside.

“It’s your initials and today’s day last year. A small nod to them and a new start for both of us.” For a moment he’s forgotten how to breathe but then he’s pulling Liam in to kiss him silly. “You’ve got a very funny way of proposing to me Mr Payne.”

Liam laughs but comes back to whisper, “Is that a yes then?” in his ear.

“Yes.” It’s out before he even has time to think about it - but he still can’t be happier as Liam slips his ring on.

*

“Tidbit.” Liam’s saying as they pull up to the school, “Remember last year, you bumped into someone but didn’t look because you just wanted to pick Zainab up.” It’s a vague memory but he does remember something like that. “It was me.”

He laughs. “No.” He answers, reaching out to find Liam’s hand on the shift gear, touching the cold gold metal in the process.

“Yes.” He’s chuckling, twisting his hand after he parks so they interlock and he brings them up to kiss his fingers.  “It was my first good look at you.” He smiles sweetly, coming in for a kiss.

This time, there is no pre -amble, both girls run off to find their friends while they’re stuck with registering them in for the term again.

They walk slowly to the two steps, queuing up and waiting their turn. When they make it to the front, Liam moves forward to answer the questions.

“Surname?”

“Malik – Payne.” Is what comes out of his mouth and Zayn just about has a heart attack.  It’s the same woman as last year, and she looks both of them up and down before answering.

“It’s Zainab and Violet, yes?” She smiles. Liam nods and she starts tapping at her keyboard. “I’ve just changed their surnames on our systems. They’re in Dorm C this year, beds 9 and 10 next to the window.” They thank her and move back outside to find their trunks.

But instead of going to their car, Liam walks them to the gardens, walking the paths they had a year previous, only now everything was so much different.

“Can’t believe this is where it all started.” He hears just as their bench comes into view.

“Me either.” He agrees. “Didn’t think things could change so much in a year.”

“I love you, you know.” Liam hushes out quietly into his neck once they’re sitting down and Zayn’s heart stops for a moment. “I love you too.” It comes easily, whilst they show each other the sentiment, they’ve never actually said it.

Liam looks down at him when he drops his head on his shoulder, feeling his head tilt down as he grabs at his hand with his left one, pressing the metal together for the second time in an hour. “Here’s to the future hey.” He speaks pressing a kiss into his bun.

And Zayn’s not exactly sure where the future will lead, be it a teenager with blue hair or a marriage to man he adores so much already.

“To the future.” He replies, tossing his head back smiling as he looks up at the sky, giving his girl one last nod in thanks before he moves on forever. “For whatever it may bring.”

And that’s that.

*


End file.
